The Role of Suffering

Recently, I found an interesting comment on social media. In it, someone brought up a good question: if we are indeed here to learn and spiritually grow, then what about the cases where a child has experienced immense suffering at the hands of others or fate and died in the process? What would that child supposed to learn from this suffering, at this stage in life?

I, like the author, also felt perplexed. Primarily because that was a good counter argument to the idea that each one of us is here on earth to learn certain lessons and spiritually grow. I never really thought about this angle in-depth, and so I decided to explore this query a bit more, especially seeing how there is currently a lot of upheaval in different areas of our lives and some form of suffering is present. There’s generally a lot of re-evaluations going on in every aspect of our lives, including confronting uncomfortable truths about ourselves or others. They simply transform us from within, with choices and changes being inevitable. Hence why I think that right now is a good time to talk about the role of suffering in our lives and spirituality – at least, what my thoughts are on the subject.

First of all, I define the word “suffering” based on the APA Dictionary of Psychology, as it is quite descriptive and accurate. According to them, “suffering” is:

“n. the experience of pain or acute distress, either physical or psychological, in response to a physical trauma or a significant event, particularly one that is threatening or involves loss (e.g., the death of a loved one).”

Now, I let this question marinate in my mind for some time; I tried to recall what I’ve read, seen, or heard. I encountered new information, had discussions, you name it – and I came to several conclusions. Namely, that there seems to be two types of causes for our suffering: external causes and internal causes. Exploring even deeper into each cause yields some interesting insights and observations.

Before going further, keep in mind that these are simply the theories that I resonate with the most when it comes to exploring the nature of our reality – at least, what I feel comes close to the truth. I do implore you to keep an open mind that I may be right or wrong at any given moment, and hence why I say that they are theories. These theories are based on the idea of souls existing, that we are spiritual beings with the material body that houses us – and I at least have no doubt about that. If you want to know more, look up information from people who have worked in hospice like social workers or nurses, or those who work in funeral homes, or those who had loved ones pass way, or similar. There’s also Project Stargate (the one on remote viewing from 1970s) you can dig up and the Monroe Institute that came from that project, which exists to this day. Overall, they all will describe some interesting experiences and things that simply cannot exist in the material paradigm, such as a person knowing and telling information that he or she simply cannot be aware of. Of course, I also believe that there is a reason for everything, including why we reincarnate and go through a variety of experiences in our lives, and sometimes we are simply unaware of these reasons until we dig deeper inside of ourselves. And we always find an answer no matter the nature of the query, whether we like the answer or not – and I feel that suffering is no different.

Internal Causes

Let’s start with internal suffering, or in other words: self-inflicted suffering. In this type of cause, I find suffering to be an evolved form of challenges. Now without challenges in our lives, there is no growth – we do not learn, understand, accept, or adapt to whatever the challenge is trying to reveal to us or teach us. There is simply no reason to learn in the absence of challenges, and so stagnation sets in and we fail to spiritually grow and evolve as beings. A challenge, however, does not mean that we need to suffer to experience growth, although it often leads to that as a last resort. A challenge evolves into suffering when we, for one reason or another, remain unaware or unconscious of the truth/realizations within the challenge for too long, or when we actively avoid the truth/realizations all together. An analogy to this would be: we are either trying to forcefully push through a brick wall when all we needed to do is shift our perspective or thinking and simply walk around it or climb it up, or we are going in the opposite direction of the brick wall instead of trying to get through it. The conclusion in all of this? This suffering comes from us, whether it is physical or psychological. However, we usually can resolve internal suffering with time, but only if we consciously choose to do so and work on it.

I’ll use an example based on a true story: let’s assume there is a guy named Bob. Bob is struggling to find a job after he graduated from college, as jobs that were entry-level demanded a mid-level experience qualifications. At first, he was doing his best to apply to as many positions as he could, go to interviews, prep his resume and references, prepare for questions and what to say – everything that he needed to do and could do. But Bob, even though he did everything well, was told by his family and peers that everything looks good and sounds good – he could not get hired at all for a year. And so during this time, he became depressed; his mood was down, he felt unmotivated, sluggish, negative thoughts and questions kept surfacing in his mind about his career choices, that maybe he made a bad decision to go into this field, that maybe he is not good enough – it affected his life and health in a negative way. But one day, he had a realization because he simply got tired of suffering and feeling this way. He realized that perhaps, these specific companies were, in one way or another, not meant for him for good reasons. Maybe they had toxic work culture, maybe the boss wasn’t great, or the company didn’t value its employees and offered poor salary. Or maybe, it simply was a company that wouldn’t offer the most growth opportunities or happiness to Bob. Regardless of the reasons for why things were the way they are, Bob decided for himself that he will continue applying to jobs, determined that he will find the right job at the right place and the right time, and he won’t stress about it anymore. He’ll stop fixating his thoughts and life on finding the job and comparing himself to his peers, and he’ll instead focus more on the things he can work on, like self-care, learning new things, and improving other areas of his life overall. He simply shifted his thinking about this challenge in his life from the depressive “Why isn’t anyone hiring me? Am I meant to remain like this forever?” to “I haven’t found anything yet – things will change, nothing is forever. So why not do something else meanwhile?” And just by shifting his own perception and thinking, and doing something about it, he lifted himself out of that state of suffering – and his life improved. With time and re-focusing himself onto the new direction, he felt better, more energized, less depressed, less stressed, his health improved – generally, he felt happier. And in this new state, he also finally managed to see that things aren’t as bad as they could be. He had loved ones that support him and he could lean on, those who help him financially while he is getting himself on his feet – he is not alone. And guess what? About two-three months after that inner shift, he landed a job. It was a job he wanted, a job that met most of his needs at that point in time, but it was also in the industry he hadn’t considered or expected at all.

Often times in order to stop suffering on the inside, all we need to do is confront the source of it – to stop giving our own energy and power away to this self-created, self-perpetuated suffering. Not in hate mind you, but in understanding of why we feel this way and what it is truly trying to show us – and what can we do about it right now. And these truths and lessons can be multifaceted. In the case with Bob, instead of being in a state of waiting for change to come – being in the future – he needed to continue to live, grow, evolve, learn, heal, and so on. In other words, work on himself and other areas in his life – to be in the present – with the knowledge that the right opportunities will come at the right place and the right time, but also be open minded to the unexpected. And on a different side of this lesson, Bob realized how truly blessed he is with the people who love him and support him – those who have been by his side all along. It made him value the people and things he has right now, not taking it for granted.

This is the case with Bob. Of course, what suffering means and tries to reveal to you will be different from person to person, but I think you understand the point. Now some people may not agree, but I actually think internal suffering might also be related to what is called in the esoteric (and some religions) “The Dark Night of The Soul.” There are some slightly different interpretations of what this is, but all seem to conclude that it is a process of inner transformation, a form of purification where we let go of what no longer serves our highest good, of any darkness that we may have. This process is characterized by an intense inner turmoil that we experience, often multiple times in our lives. It comes and goes in waves, usually showing different aspects of ourselves that need to be revealed, understood, and healed/transmuted. To me, this sounds very much similar to internal suffering, except at an even deeper, more intense, and more spiritual level, as you typically have a crisis of beliefs, faith, life in general – in everything. Hence while I do not know whether this concept is directly related to internal suffering, I thought it might be an interesting idea to explore before going into external suffering, the crux of the question. That, plus having an insight of the internal side of things will help better understand the external.

External Causes

The second type of suffering is the one caused by external forces. This is the type of suffering that we don’t always control, depending on the surrounding circumstances and our response to them. In some cases, the lessons could be very obvious to us, such as a person losing their own business as a consequence of dishonest practices at the expense of employees and customers. But if you recall the example with the child from the beginning of the article, the reason for such suffering becomes harder to see. However, I was able to deduce at least three different possibilities, some or all of which may be happening at the same time.

The first reason for external suffering is actually somewhat similar to what Jesus went through when he was crucified. Specifically, that suffering is sometimes needed in order to awaken us towards the truth and realizations that would spiritually propel us, at least for those who needed to witness this suffering. When we see another being suffer, something within us stirs and rises – empathy, compassion, and understanding among other things. It moves us, changes us, and drives us into action in order to help those who suffer, and to prevent more suffering. After all, there are countless stories about how on both sides during war times, there are citizens who would harbor or help refugees out of compassion, understanding, and humanity, especially upon witnessing that suffering.

In the case of the child who experienced horrendous suffering during her or his short life, the child’s soul – who chose to incarnate in this specific time – may have chosen to be of service to others by using itself as a catalyst for others’ awakening. Perhaps it was needed to bring a specific truth to the larger population about a situation or person(s), or it was needed to change those who saw the child starve or get shot. Perhaps it made those people leave what they were doing, awakening their conscience. Maybe they turned themselves around to fight the cause of suffering, or to alleviate suffering as much as possible, such as by providing food, water, shelter, information, transportation, and so on. And in the process, these people continued to spiritually grow and encounter new challenges that propel them further, dramatically shifting their perspectives, beliefs, perceptions – everything in their life. It transformed them radically from within, thus setting an example for others to follow. There is an interesting saying I heard in Russian that comes to mind: “In saving yourself, you save others.” Specifically, in saving yourself spirituality and exemplifying that change in your everyday life – just like what Jesus did. He embodied spiritual, moral, and ethical values and knowledge (including that of the metaphysical, to some extent), all of which greatly moved his peers and helped them to change as well. In reflecting that change both within and without, other people will inadvertently see, feel, and experience it – especially on an intuitive level. They will see the possibilities of what things should or can be, like what is right or wrong, truth or deception, and the various tones of grey in between of all that. They will see that things can be better, that things don’t have to be the way they are right now, that there is something more to our lives than meets the eye – and they change from within as well.

There could be many reasons as to what, in what way, and how these individuals were affected, but time shows that they – we – always are. Sometimes we see it visibly and quite viscerally, and at other times it shows only with time, through actions of one or many in response to something specific. I can see it especially with recent developments that made the news, about those who committed unspeakable crimes. Comparing to where we were in more than a decade ago, we can notice that something has changed – the truth has become apparent about the state of our world, and that is something that cannot crawl back from where it once came from – not anymore. A lot of people have become aware of what is going on around us, the many truths that were hidden, and the variety and amounts of deception that have been made – and this process of awakening is still ongoing for all of us. And it wouldn’t have been so if not for the sheer amounts of suffering that was inflicted. The suffering grew so much that it was inevitable for these nefarious activities to become visible to the public eye – and therefore, the truth coming through layers of deception.

Did it had to be this way? No, but I am unsure what else could’ve been done in the current state that the world and humanity is in right now. However, what it is doing is unite us and help us remember our humanity, and keep raising our awareness and discernment, becoming more spiritual in the process. And that internal change will be reflected externally in time, a process often echoed in one of the hermetic principles “As above, so below; and so below as above” and the many variations of that found in most religions. This all is, anyway, part of the first possibility for external suffering.

The second reason for external suffering could be karma. Specifically, the soul of the child could be experiencing suffering because that soul was in a past life (or lives) someone who was inflicting suffering onto others. Thus, what may be going on is the rebalancing of the scales, in a spiritual sense, by experiencing what it means to be the one who is suffering. In terms of karma, I do know that when we cause harm onto others that we know is not right deep in our hearts, in whatever form it may be – it weighs heavily on us. Sometimes, it can feel like a piece of our soul gets fractured and shattered into a much darker segment than the rest of what is left. I theorize that in essence, that piece needs to be purified and healed, but how would the soul do that if it does not know what it means to suffer to the same degree or from similar causes? I am sure that the exact process is far more nuanced than what it appears to be, as justice is often dealt in the way that is most fitting to the person who deserved it but not in the way we think or imagine it to be. So I think it could be somewhere along the lines of that for the second possibility,

The third reason for external suffering is something that can easily exist at the same time with all of the reasons I listed earlier, and that is: for personal spiritual growth. Usually to spiritually grow, we need: an experience that imparts important truths/realizations, an awareness of that experience and its lessons, and a true understanding of it so we embody it in our actions going forward. Now, if our existence continues after death, then who is to say that our soul’s reflections stop upon death? They probably continue even before our soul incarnates into its next life, in whatever the place, density, or dimension that may be. There’s a lot of theories on how and what exactly happens after our death on a soul-level, which is a whole separate article of its own. Suffice it to say, our soul is most likely aware of all of the lives it went through, including the lessons and experiences from those lives. However, I think our souls may sometimes lack an experience of something specific, so in order to truly embody the understanding and lessons associated with it, we need to have that experience. Hence, there may be cases where we end up suffering so that our soul gains that needed experience. In a way, it is like trying to understand the truth in any situations. If you want to know the truth, you need to investigate all sides and angles of that situation – same thing in the case of our souls trying to understand a deeper wisdom. How can we truly grasp the nuance of a situation without knowing what it means to be in it, in various roles and perspectives? Of course, this experience can be passed on from others via vicarious trauma and it may suffice, but it is not always the case for everyone. After all, each soul’s experiences and lives are uniquely their own – it is never going to be one shoe size fits all. Hence why I think this third reason is most likely the main reason in the case of not only just external suffering, but the internal one as well.

If you notice, all of the reasons I listed can easily co-exist with each other. Everything is an experience; our lives are riddled with them every single day – it’s inescapable. And our soul may also be working through its karma whether it is from our past lives or gained in this one. Meanwhile at the same time, our souls may also have chosen to help others by being a catalyst for that spiritual growth through suffering of some kind. The personal growth is definitely there as a reason for the suffering, but it can also be two reasons, or all of them at the same time. And perhaps, there could be more reasons and I am simply unaware of them at this point in time.

The Catalyst for Transformation & Growth

This is why I think that the role of suffering is rooted back to spiritual growth and transformation. We learn by experience, and we get to know everything by experience, and in some cases, we take on others’ experience (usually traumatic). We do not know what a certain city is like until we go there ourselves and experience everything that the city has to offer: its culture, its customs and ways of life, the food, the smells, people’s mentality and thinking - everything. We do not know what a desert is like at until we go there and experience the ever-shifting sands beneath our feet, the winds that make them flow somewhat like a river made of tiny particles of earth, the dry and hot days, and the cold, dark nights in contrast to the scorching daylight.

There are many examples of learning through experience and finding a newfound appreciation and value in them. Unfortunately, there are also times when we do not appreciate something until we lose it and go through grief, the challenges, and often suffering. And sometimes, we do not really understand anything at all until it is too late, and then we are wreaked by regret, the what ifs, and “if only I did something, then maybe things would be different.” We’ve all been there, and sometimes we come back to that state but with different experiences. Then we learn and grow, we let go of holding onto the past, we heal, and we become a better version of ourselves with each day and every time we make that choice.

Everything is a lesson, and perhaps it is an opportunity to bring in more of our true selves when we embody those lessons. Sometimes, certain situations are given to us in order to gleam an understanding of or to experience something in order to prepare us for times to come, hinting that perhaps a degree of fate and choice is at play. It’s interesting, but I notice it a lot in my own life and with those around me. I notice that some of the difficulties we experienced – such as ending up in an industry and profession that is not best for us, giving us too much stress, anxiety, you name it – can give us the necessary skills, knowledge, or understanding of other things that usually come in handy later in our life. What we choose to do – specifically, that which intuitively feels right for us – is much easier to accomplish because of what we have acquired in the past. It is like life itself is preparing us for a path that is more aligned with our own being. And funny thing is, sometimes if we look back on everything that we remember in our lives, we may even see bits and pieces of hints that foreshadow where we are now, whatever we’ve been guided to, be it a specific partner all the way to what we do in life. In my case, I realized that none of my trials were for nothing, but I had to live and grow in order to be able to see what role these trials played in my life. And all of us wouldn’t be who we are today without them.